Sanity never served anyone well

We live in a crazy world. No matter where you look, no matter your beliefs, shit is crazy. And trying to make sense of it or trying to remain sane despite the insanity actually serves to make you, well, insane. And with the increase of greed and propaganda, and the development of science and technology - the pace is getting faster. That means that things are getting crazier at an even higher rate than before. Before you know it - it's knocking at your door.

The definition of insanity is the inability to discern reality from illusion. Given the limited capacity of our waking senses, how could we ever possibly perceive the entirety of reality as it really is? And since we cannot fathom reality within the boundaries of our minds as we are culturally taught, are we not all mad then?

The purpose of this blog is to share my own personal adventure and the (re)discovery of the esoteric occult through a lens of chaos magic, while also further exploring the fields of personal development alongside it - and how they both entangle. It's about individualism in an even more pressurized and conforming world. It's about finding yourself in an ocean of external influences. It's about you - the self - making space for itself. I am trying to make sense of all these materialistic ideals through inner peace and spirituality, and I am hoping to share some of those insights with you.

I am a solitaire adventurer that has always had a little different perspective of our beloved world, and as I accidentally discovered the term "chaos magic" (or magick…) I felt as if I had finally found what I had been looking for. A conceptualization of what I had already been doing. A sort of loose, modular, and changeable "framework" to build your life around. A mindset that was both accepting of new ideas, and ready to let go of the ones that didn't serve my purpose.

This blog is about the journey and the expansion of the mind, as it absorbs and reject new ideas, worldviews and concepts. It's about discovering our spiritual past, as well as our present. It's about exploring the esoteric occult in a modern age. This blog then is not just about the concept of chaos magic, but rather a blog about using chaos magic as a tool for further personal and spiritual development. I believe that all practice of any magic will inevitably lead to the disassembly and reassembly of the self. The act of dissolving of your "cultural self" could then also be called an act of insanity - since you are actively rejecting all that is considered "normal" and "sane" by society's measure. If you ask a random stranger if they believe in magic, they will think you crazy. Yet we know that it's not.

I am by no means an expert in esoteric occultism, and I will never claim any kind of 'absolute truth'. I am a learner and a student, just as you, and we are all on our own solitary paths of self discovery and realization. No individual's path in life is like that of another, and I further believe in the importance to respect that fact. Like so, I expect this site to evolve, just the same as I will.

About me then

I am a speculative fiction writer and a chaos magician with a bent towards diablerie, shamanism, and energy alchemy. Whether I can call myself a successful "mage" I will leave unsaid. I suppose the stuff I do does work, albeit not always in the way I wanted or expected it to… Magic is funny that way. Still I always want to learn more and more, and I have this ravenous hunger and thirst for knowledge. While I do not blindly accept everything I read, neither do I outright reject them. In the end, what do we really know about the nature of our reality? I believe that we have been blinded by the doctrines of Reason - which may not be a bad thing in and of itself. But what we lost then was so much more deep and profound than what we gained.

We worshipped the stars and built great monolithic temples in their honour long before we built permanent settlements of our own. That tells me that we are a spiritual species - we are seekers, and while Reason has done so much good for us, now it is time to look beyond, and within. We have so, so much to learn about ourselves…

Science tries to map our existence, but can it map our internal subjective experiences and reality? I think not, which is why Reason needs something more to complement it; Spirituality, and an open mind for the fact that we don't have all the facts. No one does, and no single Scripture has all the answers we seek. I believe we need to look at all of them together, and in conjuncture with science and reason, to enable us to catch a glimpse of what our existence on this space-rock really is all about. It's part of why I embarked on this journey of Magic.

***

I grew up with games and stories of fantastical worlds, so the idea of otherworldly and non-mundane things has always been close to my heart and readily available in my mind. This also sparked a desire to tell stories of my own, and I hope to have some of them published in the near future. What's more, this exposure to ideas of other-things and how I was brought up enabled me to try to look at things with all eyes open; without judgement, and with curiosity. This has recently escalated and made me somewhat of an avid (see addicted) reader of all kinds of things…

Which results in me spending way more money on books on amazon than I should. I justify it by telling myself that they are for my own personal and spiritual development, although I do know that I am an impulsive book-shopper…

I've stopped fighting it by now.

I do it with a bit of humor though. Life is easier that way and besides, I do put money away for my book-addiction. What's life without a little bit of vice anyway?

***

I love taking long wikiwalks on TvTropes for inspiration and learning about tropes in storytelling, and I spend an unreasonable amount of time collecting stuff on Pintrest. Not to mention the inhuman amount of time I spend reading about Game Lore, their stories, and background. When it comes to games with great stories, there's simply so much creativity put into it!

A small glance into some of my interests in general would be gaming, fantasy, sci-fi, history, writing, statecraft, personal development, technology, military, space exploration, health, exercise, nutrition, transhumanity, spirituality, mythology, and occultism. I told you I am crazy.

Now, that should give you a piece of the map of what I am all about.

I do hope that I can provide you with some small amount of insight that will help you on your journey. As it is, enjoy your stay. Take what you need - and then leave the rest. Abandon all that does not serve you well.

If you have any ideas, criticism, comments, random thoughts, or just want to get in touch, just send me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Yours truly - in Chaos and Prosperity.

J.L.R. Kruse

Julia L.R Kruse.jpg